How to Fight for Your Relationship with Communication
There may come a time in your relationship when you, your partner, or both of you may feel like your relationship is traveling down the wrong path. Obviously, if either one of you feel like this, this is a very vital time within your relationship. But is it really the beginning of the end, or is it just a bump in the road that can be repaved with a little work? I would say most of the time the answer is the latter. Most differences between couples can be worked out or reconciled, but we as humans by nature default to walking away from the situation instead of doing the work to save our relationship. This approach is a great fix if you want a temporary fix. Walking away is the quickest and easiest way for most of us to solve most of our problems. But are we really solving anything? You walk away from an annoying coworker. You walk away from useless debates on social media. But walking away from your life partner should take more serious thought and consideration than just clocking out or closing a browser window. Walking away from your partner and your relationship will usually lead you to developing a habit of walking away and never sustaining a valuable relationship, which is totally why you are considering to walk away. It’s a habit and it’s the default coping mechanism for your brain and emotions.
Although there are multiple contributing factors that have led you or your partner into believing that things have taken a turn for the worse and may have also led you to believe that there may be no turning back, communication will be the best tool in the toolbox to save your relationship. If you can’t cordially talk about what’s wrong without jumping down each other’s throats, screaming, and displaying bad body language, you have no chance of saving the most precious gift of love. Regardless of who is right and who is wrong or who made the mistake to damage the relationship, if you really love each other, this is the time that you both will have to put your greatest listening skills on display. You can’t just listen to react or respond. You have to listen to understand exactly where your partner is coming from. As easy as this is for some couples, it’s just as hard for others. Sometimes by nature we gradually fall into an unresponsive relationship. We get caught up in the business side of our relationship, our day to day lives with the kids, our jobs, family, friends, etc. So it’s easy to naturally unlearn how to communicate with each other. Sometimes the lapse in communication can be so long that when one person attempts to express how they are feeling, the other person feels like they are being attacked and defaults to a more defensive state and refuses to talk about the emotional things.
If you are the person who refuses to listen, this is the time for you to take a deep breath and think about your actions, or lack thereof. This is a very critical time in your relationship and family, and your other half really needs you right now. This is not a time to show your egotistical arrogance. If you don’t want the person you love to walk away while you regret it for the rest of your life, you really need to be a sponge and listen to your partner’s concerns. Once again, you must listen to understand, instead of listening to react or respond.
On the other hand, if you are the person who has more things weighing on your heart, you have to be appropriate with your delivery. You can’t come out swinging like it’s a boxing match. Don’t yell how you feel. Tell how you feel. Explain to your partner what is exactly tearing you apart right now. You don’t have to walk on egg shells, but you do have to walk. Running into this conversation with run-on sentences will increase the chances of your partner becoming defenseless.
Think back to when you first met and you both had that sparkling gleam in your eyes and that bubbly feeling when you were getting to know each other. You were once strangers who became friends that became lovers. This all started with great communication. A relationship is not built overnight. A relationship doesn’t fall apart overnight. A relationship can’t be rebuilt overnight. But everything that happens or does not happen; it all begins or ends because of communication, or the lack thereof. Just remember, this is not a fight against each other. This is a fight to save your relationship.